Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Randomize
