you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize