i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
