Is it normal to miss your booty call?
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
