Your face is a jimmy john
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize