Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
