ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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