So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
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