So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Mom said you looked used
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Randomize
