so that wasnt chicken after all
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
