OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
