I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
