she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
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