He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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