i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
So vagazzling was a success
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
