All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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