I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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