i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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