What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
You need a sexual gate keeper
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize