You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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