I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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