I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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