I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I have feelings that need drinking.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Randomize
