Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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