1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
