And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
