Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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