So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
