Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize