Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
