I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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