people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
