Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
