ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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