Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
