Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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