the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
