Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
