I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
She said her name was "party"
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
