btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
