so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize