no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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