Well douche your snatch and let's go!
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
