I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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