how can u be prego again
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
