New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Randomize
