I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Randomize
