You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
