Having a random hookup so left but love u
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Randomize
