The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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