Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
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