are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Randomize
