But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
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