Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize