I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
it's great music for shaving your balls
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
