Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
