nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Randomize
