did you get engaged???
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Randomize
