Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
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