It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
