I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
