I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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