My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
