Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
