I got chris browned last night
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
