my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Randomize
