still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Randomize
