i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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