My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Randomize
