We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
