watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
