dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
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