I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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