yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Yo dont text me then not text me
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Hippo gnu deer
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
