I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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