dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Randomize
