maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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