you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
