Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
