my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
